A Man And His Hat

Fact 1: I have a big head. Fact 2: I have trouble fitting my head through certain shirts, finding comfortable sunglasses, and wearing "one size fits all" hats. To solve these bigheaded problems my shirt collars are stretched and I rarely wear sunglasses. Hats, though, are a more complicated issue.

As a child, adult-sized hats were readily available. But as I became an adult my head kept growing, until eventually they no longer fit comfortably. Now, baseball caps are too tight and snow hats don't properly protect my ears from the bitter cold.

After years of trial and error I have solved the winter hat conundrum. Immediately after purchase, a winter hat must be pulled, stretched, and molded for a solid hour and a half.

But now my head has ballooned to "big head status," and the so-called "one size fits all" Boston University hat, doesn't properly fit. With the rise of the "hat tipped slightly upwards" trend, I thought hope had arrived. I was wrong...

Wind doesn't like change. Just the other day I was walking down Comm Ave. when the wind blew my hat into the heart of rush-hour traffic. To my embarrassment, a policeman took it upon himself to block traffic with his car and rescue my hat from its imminent doom.

I'm tired of the hat industries blatant discrimination. We large noggin' folk need to unite! Until that day, I will continue wearing my too small Boston University cap, fighting the constant battle between comfort and wind. Victory will be mine!