A Disgrace to Humanity

Happy Valentine's Day!

Unfortunately, on this rejoiceful day of love and affection I am sad. And no, it has nothing to do with me being single or lonely.

My anger is instead caused by the incompetent fools who work for the B.U. mail room.

Every year as Valentine's day approaches, I look forward to the one thing I can count on with certainty to make me smile, albeit embarrassedly.

Every year on Valentine's day my mom sends me a holiday card containing a cheesy message, along with a chocolate nugget of superb taste and quality.

Call me corny. Call me a mother's boy. Call me a wuss, a softy, a child, or a chocolaholic.

I don't care. This is my delight and I'm not ashamed.

This year Valentine's day came and passed without my card or chocolate. My day was ruined. And the B.U. mailroom has some explaining to do.

When I last talked to my mom on Sunday, she asked me if I had already received her card. This means that she had expected it to arrive on Saturday, meaning she must have mailed it by Thursday at the latest.

Today is Tuesday and my mailbox is still empty.

I long for a day when excited, happy-go-lucky people like myself can have their Valentine's day expectations met, without fear of the B.U. mail office giving them the proverbial "screw."

B.U. mail, you are a disgrace to the postal service, and you've turned the day of love into a day of sadness. Tsk Tsk.

I Have A Dream

I love acting.

In a perfect world I would spend the rest of my life creating shenanigans with Lindsay Lohan as the actors/sex symbols of the movie industry for the next thirty years.

Realistically, this dream is laughable. But I will not give up!

George Washington and the founding fathers dreamed of an independent America, Martin Luther King Jr. dreamed of an integrated, equal United States, and Al Gore dreamed of the Internet.

At one point in American history these dreams were laughable. But through hard work, persistence, bravery, and ambition, these dreams came to fruition.

My fellow Americans: America is the land of opportunity. It's where the poorest child can become the richest man, it's where an immigrant refugee can find peace and stability, and yes, it's where George Bush can dupe America into electing him President. Twice.

Anything can happen in the good ol' U.S. of A., and so the dream lives on.

In sixteen days I will be performing in Alice in Wonderland here at Boston University. Admittedly, I do not expect this performance to catapult me to elite status in the acting industry. I do, however, know that while I study advertising and political science at Boston University, Alice in Wonderland represents the will of one man to keep his dreams alive.

God bless America, and God bless Lindsay Lohan!